Frequently asked questions about the talkin' texan book about the author

Frequently asked questions about the Talkin' Texan Book and about the Author

Question: Have y'all ever been on American Idol?

Answer: Nope, I've never been on American Idol, because although I can carry pails of water, I can't carry a tune at all. In fact I was politely asked if I would like to teach Sunday School after singing in the Church Choir for two Sundays.

Question: Does your book have a Texas Dictionary so I can understand what all these Texans are really saying?

Answer: Yes, The book has a handy Texas- English, aka Texan-American English Dictionary to help you grasp and understand the local language in Texas.

Question: How long did it take you to write your Talkin' Texan book?

Answer: Nine months, thirteen days, six hours, and ten seconds.

Question: When is your Talkin' Texan Book gonna be available?

Answer: The Talkin' Texan Book will be unleashed in the United States on Thanksgiving Day 2004. All of America will be celebrating by having friends and family over to their house and alla them Fancy Restaurants will offerin' special dinners for rich folks and folks who don't know how to cook. Yep, the whole doggone country is gonna be celebratin' why the big 'ol Turkey is such a great Ham. It's gonna be bodacious and folks are gonna be wantin' a second and third helpin' of Talkin' Texan.

Question: Where can I buy a copy, or two of your Talkin' Texan Book?

Answer: Well, from me on this here Web Site (autographed), or y'all can order direct from the publisher Book Locker (< click here y'all) under the Fiction-Humor Section, or Amazon.com , or Barnes and Noble Books.com, or at wunna their stores, or just request a copy of the Talkin' Texan Book at any Bookstore by simply walkin' in and askin' 'em to order a copy for you. Talkin' Texan ISBN # 1-59113-593-3 -Retail $16.95 to $19.95 You may also order books from Alibris.com - Books a Million.com - Powell's Books - The Tattered Cover Denver, Colorado - Book People Austin, Texas

Question: Gosh, ain't that a ton uh money fur a 321 page book about Texas?

Answer: Nope. That's plum cheap when you figure it's less than half the price of those $35.00 late charges from your credit card company and unless you're a speed reader with absolutely no sense of humor at all, Talkin' Texan will last a lot longer than the finest T-bone steak dinner with a healthy slice of pecan pie topped with a heaping chunk of pure vanilla ice cream. Shucks, y'all can prolly get both for less than 50 bucks in Hondo, Texas and that's including a ten dollar tip. Read well, eat well, tip well. Tell Mary Beth I said Howdy.

Question: Well, I'm real strapped for cash, so where is the cheapest place I can get a copy of your Talkin' Texan Book?

Answer: Well, Gee Whiz, I thought ever'body knew the answer to this one! Juss walk in tuh any Public Library in these here United States and ask for a copy. There are over 123,000 Public Libraries in the good 'ol U.S. of A. an juss tell'em I want my Talkin' Texan Book ISBN # 1-59113-593-1 .....

If y'all live in a country other than the United States you're in luck because there are over 1,163,000 Public Libraries in the rest of the known world. I think there's another 3,000 in the unknown world. Just walk in and let'em know you are already multi-lingual and you'd like to also learn to pass for Texan, speak pure Texan and study to learn all you can about Texas and Texas towns frum A tuh Z.

Question: That's all well and good about being able to get a copy of your Talkin' Texan book at my local Library for nothing, but I live way out in the boonies and the nearest Library is over 60 miles away on bumpy, slippery, treacherous, icy, snow covered roads. How can I get my own copy of Talkin' Texan to have and to hold, to love, an to cherish from this day forward until the end of time?

Answer: Well, thanks to modern technology, you can download your very own copy of the Talkin' Texan Book from Book Locker (< click here please) for less than $7.99 and that's prolly the best bargain available.

Question: How come y'all don't have one of those sexy, provocative, poses of the author on your Web Site, or at least on the Talkin' Texan Book Cover?

Answer: Well, it's because the author is neither sexy, nor provocative, or very photogenic. Although the author portrays an inner image of the rock-jawed, dimpled chinned, handsome, and dashing Mel Gibson..... Outwardly the author mostly resembles the missing link between Homo-erectus and images of Piltdown Man. The Publisher didn't want to risk losing any sales from perhaps the greatest book ever written about Texas by having some butt-ugly photo of the author on the books cover, or on the authors Web Site.

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