Library from Hell etc.
During the years I've visited libraries in over 28 different States in America. Libraries contain not only books, newspapers, and magazines they also have access to "all" the knowledge in the known world. Well, other than my teenagers, because they know "everything."
Now after visiting hundreds of Libraries, Thousands of times, I've discovered the Library from Hell.
It would not be proper to use real names, so I'll just refer to the library woman as "Godzilla" and to her assistant from Hell as "The Wicked Witch."
The library from Hell has one of the most unique ways of keeping this "Public Library" a "Private Library" that mankind, or womankind could ever envision.
Gee, just treat the local citizens of Memphis, Texas like mushrooms. Mushrooms are grown in the dark and thrive on manure.
Posted Library Hours
Monday 1P.M. until 6P.M.
Tuesday 9A.M. until 12 P.m. "Closed for Lunch" 1:00 P.M. until 6 P.M.
Wednesday "CLOSED"
Thursday 9 A.M. until 12 P.M. "Closed for Lunch" 1 P.M. until 6 P.M.
Friday 1 P.M. until 6 P.M.
Saturday 9 A.M. until 1 P.M.
Posted Library Rules
No Food, or Drink
No Smoking
Limit one hour per day per person
Hours
Last month my Rich Uncle Samuel who owns a very successful grocery store chain headquartered in Grapevine, Texas informed me that since none of his children want to remain in the grocery store business, that he would be giving this particular store to me to manage. He wanted to retire from the business and just wanted his favorite store to remain open for business. He said that he would pay me a guaranteed salary of 21 hundred per month, plus all employee benefits and unlimited Internet access.
Well, I really don’t want to run a store, but unlimited Internet access sounded like a sweet deal with a guaranteed salary. So, I got to pondering how I could be left alone to do my own thing on the Internet in his posh centrally heated and air conditioned office, with the big plush executive chair. Shucks, it would be a very simple task, because all I would need to do is make a few minor changes to store hours, employees, and install a few rules for my customers.
First, I’d get some employees just a bit on the ornery side. Then I’d change the store hours from the norm to some very erratic, and difficult to remember, store hours. I’d close the store from 12P.M. until 1 P.M. for lunch every day, because lunch hour is when most folks have off for lunch, and this is probably one of the few times they have any time off during the week to make a mad dash to the store to pick up something. If anyone were in the store twenty minutes before noon, I’d advise them that we will be closing for lunch between 12P.M. and 1 P.M. and they’d either better hurry, or if they couldn’t complete their shopping before noon, then they could come back after 1 P.M.
Then I would install the following store hours:
Open Monday from 1 P.M. until 6 P.M.
Tuesday from 9 A.M. until 12P.M. and 1 P.M. until 6 P.M.
Wednesday – "Closed"
Thursday from 9 A.M. until 12 P.M. and 1 P.M. until 6 P.M.
Friday from 1 P.M. until 6 P.M.
Saturday from 9 A.M. until 1 P.M.
Sunday Closed for Church.
It would be like taking candy from a baby, because most folks can’t even remember their own children’s names, much less these hours.
If these changes didn’t keep them from bothering me while I was on the Internet, then I’d put a one-hour limit on their shopping time. My store hours would be prominently posted on the entrance to the store and my one-hour shopping rule would also be prominently posted and enforced.
My Rich Uncle Samuel will be none the wiser, because he never shops at the store.