Talkin’ Texan

Tourist Season

    I was working as a traveling salesman for Fritz, my most favorite boss ever. His company was based in the Dallas metropolitan area and I would travel all over the country for him, anywhere he wanted me to go. I remember when he offered me this position he asked if I loved my wife. I told him yes, that I loved her very much. He said that my first traveling assignment would last three weeks, but since I truly loved my wife, he would let me fly back into town each weekend at his expense. Other than a local Jewish boy that was born in the year zero, I think Fritz is the greatest man that ever walked on this planet.

    For those of you that have already read my description of San Antonio, you’ll know that this is my hometown. I was born at Fort Sam Houston, and we moved to Midland, Texas when I was about eight years old. I’ve lived in over a dozen different towns in the state. I joined the fighting Air Force, while living in San Antonio, and was restricted to base from some slight infraction of the rules, while the rest of my squadron visited in town during the weekends.

    I had traveled to San Antonio several times before this particular summer sales trip into town. Before this trip, I had never had a problem in finding a comfortable motel room. Today was an exception, as I tried motel after motel in search of an available room. Finally, several hours, and about 20 motels later, I managed to find an empty room. The motel was way out on Austin Highway, and about 10 miles from where I usually stayed.

    I began lamenting the difficulty of finding a room, as I was filling out the motel register. The gentleman commented to me, that I must not be from around these parts, because San Antonio was the most popular tourist destination in all of Texas. Starting with the Alamo, he rattled off a list of the most popular attractions in the area. After describing several of the Spanish Missions, he ended his vocal tour of the town with a questioning tone of voice. I responded by saying that I was from back east, and this was my first visit into San Antonio. I assured him that I would take in some of the local sights while I was in town.

    As I was taking my luggage into the motel room, I was kicking mentally kicking myself for not knowing that my hometown was a famous tourist town, especially in the summer. I determined that my powers of observation and reason must be absolutely zero. No wonder, I always got into trouble when my bride would ask: "Hi honey, notice anything different about me?" I decided that from now on whenever she would ask this question, I’d just fake a heart attack or something. I suppose that I could just suck my thumb, but that wouldn’t be the adult thing to do.