Talkin Texan Favorite Texas Joke

Talkin' Texan Favorite Texas Joke

There are lots of jokes about Texas and this just happens to be one of my favorites.

A Texan dies and goes to hell. While down there the devil notices that the Texan is not suffering like the rest He checks the gauges and sees that it's 100 degrees and about 80% humidity. So he goes over to the Texan and asks why he's so happy. The Texan says, "I really like it here. The temperature is just like Dallas in June."

The devil isn't happy with the Texan's answer and decides to fix him, so he goes over and turns up the thermostat to 120 degrees and the humidity to 90%. After turning everything up he goes looking for the Texan. He finds him standing around unbuttoning his shirt, just as happy as can be. The devil quizzes the Texan again as to why he's so happy. The Texan says, "This is even better. It's like Houston in July."

The devil, now really upset, decides to make the Texan really understand that hell is no paradise. He walks over to the controls and turns the heat up to 140 degrees and the humidity to 100%. "Now let's see what the Texan is up to," he thinks. So he goes looking for the Texan. The devil finds the Texan taking his shirt off basking in the heat, even happier than before. The devil can't figure it out. He asks the Texan why he's happy now. The Texan replies, "This is great, it's just like Brownsville in August."

The devil says, "That's it, I'll get this guy." He walks over and turns the temperature down to a freezing 25 degrees below zero. "Now let's see what the Texan has to say about this," the devil thinks to himself. He looks around and finds the Texan jumping up and down for joy. "What are you so happy about now," asks the devil. Still excited, the Texan replies, "The Rangers have finally won the World Series!"

This is one of the very few "clean jokes" about Texas, because as y'all know by now, everything absolutely is bigger and better in Texas. I've heard lots of clean jokes about my home state, and lots of dirty jokes also, but this is still my favorite.

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Here are some fun facts about Texas from the folks over yonder in Roby, Texas just click on their "funnies" for more.

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About Texas:
1.. Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air
2.. Roadrunners don't say "Beep Beep"
3.. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas.
4.. There are 10,000 types of spiders. 10,001 live in Texas.
5.. Armadillos love to dig holes under tomato plants.
6.. Racoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe.
7.. If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
8.. Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.
9.. You cannot find a country road without a curve from corner to corner.
10.. A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.

Texas has 5 seasons:

a.. Spring, Feb 16 to April 15
b.. Summer, April 16 to July 15 (temp 90 to 98 degrees)
c.. Super Summer, July 16 to Sept 10 (temp 100 to 115 degrees)
d.. Summer, Sept. 11 to Oct 1 (temp 90 to 98 degrees)
e.. Fall, Oct 2 to Dec. 1
f.. Winter Dec. 2 to Feb 15

More about Texas:
1.. The wind blows at 90 MPH from Oct. 2 until July 15, then it stops totally.
2.. Onced and Twiced are words
3.. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.
4.. Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.
5.. Graduating 1st in your class means you left in the 8th grade.
6.. Coldbeer is one word.
7.. People actually grow and eat Okra.
8.. Texans really don't have an accent.
9.. When the world ends, only cockroaches and mesquite trees will survive.
10.. Green grass DOES burn.
11.. When you live in the country, you don't have to buy a dog. City people drop them off at your gate in the middle of the night.
12.. The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first couple of weeks.
13.. When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to go to the doctor.
14.. Fixinto is one word.
15.. A tank is a hole in the ground that holds water for irrigation.
16.. Backards and Forards means I know everything about you.
17.. You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
18.. And the most important thing......There's no place I'd rather be than in Texas!